Updated: Sep 30, 2019
If you’ve been around these parts for a while, then you’re probably aware that I.am.obsessed.with.self-growth.
But not in the way you might think.
Basically, I don’t use personal development in the way that most people think you HAVE to use it.
You know, like only at your weakest points.
Been there done that.
Because get this: Changing your mindset is one of the most underutilized, yet effective ways to quite literally change your life. And not enough people are using it to grow their confidence or self-worth. A real tragedy...
By using changing the way I think and view the world, I was able to get clear on what it is that I want.
In this article, I’m sharing three essential strategies that will help you turn this often-neglected, deemed woo woo, or just for the people who need it *eye roll* into your own powerhouse toolset (no matter what stage of life you are in).
Ready to get started with the 3 essential growth-mindset strategies? Let’s do this.
And by the way, if you’re on the go, then here’s an audio version of this blog post, which you can listen to and download!
1. Figure out what your triggers are
Think of your triggers as a close friend. This friend tells you about all of their problems, who is just like #sorude to people, ready to fight to defend their honor at any second.
Your triggers are your shadow self.
They are anything that you are feeling pain, shame, and guilt around.
These triggers are built from your childhood and even ancestral traumas.
These triggers are here to teach you. A lesson of really where you are still playing small, where you can step into your own worth.
They can show up in situations, events, people, even yourself.
I can hear you now, “but I don’t really get triggered or upset that often *confused face*
I can guarantee you right now that is #fakenews.
It can be as simple as a friend not responding to you right away to as big as a fight with your partner over money. This means that there is constant room for growth and understanding your triggers.
First, let’s look at what happened to you today. In this area, you’ll want to look at these three things:
Did someone or something make you feel less than, jealous, angered, sad?
Do you think consistently negatively about a certain area in your life: money, relationships, career, home?
What do you feel unworthy of? (broad question, I know but it is to get you thinking!)
Let’s chat about why these questions are pivotal to your growth. Well, they are here to help you see what aspects of your life have room for growth.
These “blocks” are here to show you where you are still playing small in your own life.
So, keep the questions above in mind while you create a list of at least 3 things that triggered you this week.
These can be anything from feeling guilt after buying a chocolate bar at the grocery store to having bird poop on your car just after a car wash.
If you’re struggling to think of anything that has triggered you this past week, try this little trick...
Think of a friend, parent, or partner. What about them makes your insides go, “OMG just do it this way” “Why are you like this” or a plain & simple “UGH”
Now, you’ve just gathered awareness on what is triggering you throughout your day.
2. Analyzing Triggers
Now, have you ever wondered why you can get so heated or ready to curl up into a ball if someone says one thing that can make it feel like an avalanche has just plopped on your chest?
Obviously, you’re not alone.
These emotions that we experience often aren’t just about the other person just being a straight-up a-hole, but rather a deeper feeling of UNWORTHINESS.
So, this simple strategy can help you gain CLARITY on why that situation or person is triggering you.
And it all starts with the question of WHY.
Imagine this...you walk into work one day and are confronted with your boss who … let’s just say has some choice words for you, says things that make you feel small and just plain ole stupid.
You feel that anger running in your chest, and are ready to fire back insults like you were made for that role.
You may think to yourself, “Oh, this person is a -insert cursing words- I’m done!”
But what if you were to be in that position, and instead you noticed how you felt. What parts of you that are being illuminated that you are still feeling unworthy about.
What if you had the toolsets to see why those triggers are popping up?
The reality is that EVERYONE has felt that way. The less than, the not good enough (even if they seem like the most confident person ever!). Do you want to keep repeating those patterns, defeated & angry, or to own your worth?
(Put your hand down, I already know your answer!)
The secret to creating a healing toolset that works is these three things:
Step 1: Let’s Get Emotional
What emotion or feeling is being brought up by this situation or person? Remember yesterday when I told you to write down those triggers? Pop those suckers.
So, if I was say triggered by a parent who told me that my dream was stupid or impossible I would look to see what emotion is coming up from that. I’d grab out my journal and write something like, “I feel hurt and sad that I am not supported”
That way, you are getting to better connect with your more sensitive & emotional side, but it would also help you gather clarity on how it is impacting you.
Step 2: What needs do you feel like you are lacking or not receiving in this situation? (Communication, Safety, Seen, Heard, Recognized, Security, Honesty, etc.).
When you feel triggered, we need to look at what you are not getting out of the situation. So what it that YOU needed from them. To continue with the prior example, I would have said, support, being seen, heard, loved.
Step 3: Journal what you needed during that situation. Is it being comforted, taken out of the situation?
Writing pen to paper helps you uncover any hidden emotions that you needed. Journalling about what you would have preferred in that situation can be GAME-CHANGING.
So, grab out a piece of paper and write down what you needed to happen or would have liked. You don’t need to censor yourself here. The only person reading it is you.
...That’s IT! Sounds stupidly simple, yet few people put effort into this.
What you get from doing this? MORE clarity around what is triggering you.
What you are doing is creating a serious toolset to navigate those rough waters.
3. Perspective Shift
Now that things are rockin’ and rollin’, you want to create have a shift in perspective. Here are a few pointers to get you started:
Grab out a journal. Write about what was the very first time you felt this way?
Is there a specific memory?
Write it all out.
Now, if you narrowed it down to a specific memory, I want you to view it from the other person’s perspective.
Oftentimes, we are stuck in our own mind and how everything is happening to us *sighs*
When we look to see where the other person is coming from, it can help us become more empathetic to them and their situation.
Making them seem more human ya know.
Important: After looking at their side. I want you to get quiet place your hands over your heart. Bring forward that memory. Look at that inner child and tell them that you are here for them now and give them whatever they need in that situation. Like love, safety, being seen, whatever that is.
By doing this, you are increasing your self-worth not only on the conscious level but subconsciously. Basically, you will be feeling more secure and all those fears and limiting beliefs will have a much smaller chance of influencing your life *fist bump!*
If you implement these three concepts in your daily life, you will be well on your way to having a growth mindset.
Want more mindset tips? I have a free Revamp Your Mindset in 5 days challenge. This challenge will help you dig even deeper on your triggers and gain more clarity. Click here the image below to register.
It totally for free!